7 - to meet in the middle
Once upon a time on Bluesky I came across a post that read: "if two friends had a falling out with each other, watch how they move after that". Or something to that effect. The post was so long ago, but it still resonated with me to this day.
The specifics that led me here is a private matter, but I found myself thinking about that post in reflection, and a realisation that:
- You can always communicate, any time.
- You have to adapt how you communicate to match others so you can better understand them.
Maintaining a good friendship (or any relationship, personal or professional) is fucking hard as adults, even more so when you're neurodivergent in some way or another. Our communication styles will be affected by how we were raised, what kind of community we were raised in, and many other variables. But the thing is you can always adapt and fine tune how you communicate to meet others in the middle & to understand them better. Frustration and resentment bubbles when you or the other person don't do that. And in the end that breeds mistrust, anger and grief if left to fester.
A key part of adapting that communication style to match someone else's, I think, is to listen. To listen to the other person's needs most of all without judgement. Once we really listen we'd know how to adapt the way we communicate to meet the other person in the middle.
It's such a hard thing to do especially in a conflict where emotions run high, I really do get that. But when you try to listen and understand, it paves the way to be understood (can you tell I grew up with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens yet). And that fosters more resilient, stronger friendships.
I haven't been around for a bit because I have had an emotionally grueling week, two of which was spent witnessing the horrors of a former friend burning bridges thanks to their refusal to meet us in the middle. It was very frustrating, but also sad for me — I happened to like this friend. I liked the time we spent together, talking about many things ranging from our lives, the games we play, and sometimes we'd watch things together on stream. It felt terrible to watch all of it go down in flames over a refusal to communicate. My frustration will end here, because I don't want to speak ill of someone I know in a platform where anyone can read my thoughts.
But if that friend happens to be reading this, maybe to stalk me, or maybe to reminisce something... I hope someday you'll internalize that sometimes you have to stop, listen and understand how other people communicate and move for you to better understand them. I hope you know despite all of this, I pray you'll always be healthy and that you get good things to happen to you, even when you almost sent me to the emergency department after finding out what you did. I hope the pain that you experience eases in time, and maybe one day in the future, when you've found clarity & matured from this, we can rebuild that bridge between us.