29 - can you ever "snap out of it"?
There's been conversations on Twitter about what it means to "snap out of depression" lately, and the implications of it and how tiring/ableist it can sound has weighed on my mind a lot. Especially in wake of my deep depressive episode that lasted for a good while (a month plus, even) which made me think about my life up until now, living with this for more than 10 years as I had.
"You have to snap out of it someday, no one but yourself can save you" is frankly terrible advice, in my perspective. But from my personal experience, it's bad advice not just because it assumes that anyone with chronic depression that comes from multiple uncontrollable variables could simply "snap out of it" — to me, it's also because the "snapping out" part is involuntary.
Live long enough to survive a few suicide attempts & a long period of depression, with or without medication and support, and one day something will just snap. One day you wake up and you think "i'm so fucking sick of this. i don't want to live like this any more." Slowly, you reach out. You tell someone you're not doing well. You look into therapy. You look into getting any support you can get, to change something. All because something in you just doesn't want to live in the dark any more.
I genuinely think the desire to change is an inevitable thing, that even if it takes a million years, humans will always desire to change something in their lives. And I'm not going to lie, this is so much more difficult to foster without there being some form of support. Like ease of access to access affordable medical care, a strong support system made out of loved ones, one or two little habits that keep you alive day to day.
I genuinely can't in good conscience offer "you just have to snap out of it" as advice, because not everyone has the conditions in which would allow that snap to manifest itself inevitably.
The better advice would be to hold on, take every day one at a time. It's so fucking hard to see the future when your mind is so deeply entrenched in despair, but I can assure you that it does get better. It just won't magically happen and it will have a lot of ups and downs. To be honest, nothing in this life is going to be a "and they live happily ever after"; the hard work will always be constant, the wheel always turning. The relapses will happen. The suicidal thoughts will sometimes creep up to you without warning after a period of high stress. But it WILL get better. It's not a prayer or a manifestation, but rather it's already written for you that you'll find your way out in the dark that doesn't involve the grim outlook of self-harm.
And most importantly to you reading this who has known someone fighting with depression: what have you done to support the person? As in, really support them, and not just "if you need anything you can always reach out to me"? Listening to them, help them with caring for themselves when they're truly struggling? Providing some form of financial or physical support? A safe space?
"Snapping out of it" is just one aspect of recovery, but to me, after living with my depression for so long, it's so much more than the simple act of "I WANT to get better". I had to fight for it. The nuances of it is so much to cover that I don't think I can cover it all, and not especially other forms of mental illnesses that I have no experience or right to speak on. But ultimately, mental health advocacy boils down to being a collective effort & support, and not just individual. When these fall into place, when people truly understand that mental illnesses can be debilitating and sometimes even life-threatening, and must be treated seriously in all aspects, only then can that "snapping out of it" happen.